Monday, May 14, 2007

I like the day about me.

I planned my own perfect Mother's Day weekend, because sometimes it becomes necessary to take charge of such things. Drama ensued, because in my life, when does it not? But I don't want to focus on that, because part of me knows that I caused the drama, because a lot of me is unable to cope anymore. I wondered why until I read an article some time ago in the New York Times Magazine about post-traumatic stress syndrome felt by female soldiers who fought in Iraq. The author of the article mentioned that many of the women who enlist in the armed forces have come from hard lives, which means their resiliency reservoir, the one we each come with, is already pretty full, leaving little room for more pain and hard experiences. Of course I haven't been to work, but life hasn't really given me the chance to empty out the reservoir. I'm running on full, which means I overload quite easy with results that aren't that pretty. I look forward to peace. I have faith that I will find it. I will once again be strong, resilient, able to cope. So as I mentioned, I will skip the drama, focus on the positive.

Saturday we played Seattle tourists and went to the waterfront for the Maritime Festival and tugboat races. It was a typical Seattle day - cloudy and cool, but luckily it did not rain. And though at times pangs of wistful longing for South Carolina's warmth and sunshine press themselves upon me unbidden, the waterfront and skyline were enough to keep them at bay this day. Audrey played with a pirate, we took a one-hour harbor tour on the Argosy cruise curtesy of the Port of Seattle, we explored the Odyssey Maritime Museum. And after that, we went to Pike Place Market and bought a whole salmon from the fish throwing guys and some flowers from the stalls. I totally scored three free bunches of lilacs and a hundred people laughed when I was hit on the head by a stuff salmon the fish throwers let one of the myriad spectators try to toss as sideshow entertainment. Walking through the market, which I do several times a week, makes me feel so lucky. Especially when I pass cute tourists with their curtesy maps and eager faces. I love to be asked for directions. I love to pass on my expertise. And though I will never love the lack of sun in Seattle, I will always love that it is Seattle. People come to my city. I just wish less of them would stay.

Sunday we went to the Mother's Day service at my church and then to brunch in Kirkland, where this young guy my sister's age was totally macking on my aunt. We were all tres, tres confused. It certainly made her day though, and we all had a laugh when he gave her a little wave and he, his mom, dad and sister walked out of the restaurant.

We went to the park, I bought myself a gas grill for Mother's Day, we grilled the salmon we'd bought the day before, and we took loads of pictures.

All in all it was a good weekend. I miss Audrey all ready.

p.s. thanks for the warm welcome back. Damn it's hard to get back in the habit, but it's nice to know I was missed. :) And for the record, I really, really missed y'all too.